Funny Facebook Status Updates - Status Shuffle


  • too cool for school.
  • constantly evolving.
  • intelligently designing.
  • the dude, playing the dude, disguised as another dude.
  • a day late and a dollar short.
  • eating a PB&J sammich.
  • the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
  • trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
  • flossing with angel hair pasta.
  • creatively disabled currently.
  • preparing for a meeting with Chuck Norris. What should I WEAR??!?!
  • watching some dude and some chick fight to tell someone else what not to wear.
  • definitely not watching what not to wear.
  • definitely not watching oprah.
  • selling my roomates $hit on eBay.
  • forcing my dog to learn how to google.
  • teaching the cat how to be a ninja.
  • about to mail my check for $1500 to nigeria for the $15million lottery i just won! Cya later SUCKAS!!
  • watching every matrix followed by every star wars followed by every LOTR. Which incidentally adds up to exactly 24hours.
  • snail mailing a snail. Just to say I did it.
  • sexual healing.
  • eating pizza but not the italian kind.. the taco bell kind.
  • one day older than I was yesterday.
  • crying for no particular reason other than the fact that my cat spontaneously combusted!
  • happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
  • kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
  • mediocre at best.


  • zero tolerance for lactose intolerance.
  • > $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you homie.
  • 20/20 hearing!
  • a giant hangover octopus stuck to my head.
  • run out of time on my parking meter.
  • google’d and google’d until my little paws hurt.
  • ninety nine problems however, a biotch is not currently one. (this can coincide with a recent “in a relationship)
  • just added a friend I don’t even know.
  • noticed your mother has been calling me a lot, wondering whats that about?
  • just bought a cadillac, throwing some D’s on that bitch.
  • actually won the nigerian lottery!
  • puked more than twice today.
  • sold the dudes car who keep parking in my spot on eBay. SUCKA!!!
  • made my car into a hybrid by siphoning gas out of your tank.
  • noticed that your looking a little fat lately, you should really do something about that.
  • seen pictures of you naked on the internet.


  • asleep until you just called me… ass!
  • watching football when it just hit me, football is extremely gay.
  • dancing with the stars.
  • drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha’s against drunk dialing)
  • googling pop tarts. God I LOVE POP TARTS!
  • snorting salt… Don’t, it stings.
  • watching 2girls1cup and now i am puking.
  • scouring youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.
  • listening to the latest britney spears record…….. i mean… definately not listening to britney spears.

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Status Shuffle

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